I’ve been saying for a while that feeling is my raison d’être because apathy breaks my heart.*

APATHY (noun): lack of feeling or emotion, indifference, lack of interest, unconcern, uninterestedness, unresponsiveness, passivity, detachment, dispassion, lack of involvement.

But apathy doesn’t just mean an inability to identify emotions as a person.

Apathy is that self-deprecating, defeated voice that says, “Why should we? Why bother? Don’t risk the suffering for the bettering. It’s not possible. It’s not worth it, we’re not worth it. It’ll hurt.”

Apathy is a dangerous thing, and it’s an epidemic right now.

Because when we’re disconnected; from ourselves, our bodies, relationships, each other, the environment, and as a culture, it means we turn ourselves off, shut ourselves down, and give away our agency because the risk of suffering outweighs the hope — so we become quiet, careless, and docile.

If we’re apathetic it means we let injustices slide, feel powerless, become complacent, don’t care and/or speak up about what really matters, don’t believe we can do anything, don’t bother doing better, so don’t try.

Because we’re scared of opening ourselves up to feeling hurt.

“Exactly, Deanne!” You argue right now in your head with me. “It hurts to care.”

I agree, you smart person you.

As someone who spent years trying not to feel so much and never expressed herself but is now slowly trying the exact opposite; being open, I can tell you firsthand that feeling does mean you open yourself up to hurt. I’ve experienced pain beyond anything I had ever felt before. And, I could argue back and tell you that opening myself up means I’ve also experienced pleasure beyond anything I could even fathom before, but that’s not the point.

The point is we become apathetic to protect ourselves from suffering.

Suffering in the form of negative feelings like pain, rejection, disappointment, judgment, hurt, etc.

In fact!

Apathy is derived from French apathie, via Latin from Greek apatheia, from apathēs ‘without feeling’, from a- ‘without’ + pathos ‘suffering’.

Apathy doesn’t just mean without feeling… apathy means without suffering.

We’re so afraid of feeling “bad” that we become afraid of feeling.

Because feeling feels out of control, messy, uncomfortable.

We’d rather put emotions and our heart in a neat little box (with heavy duty tape on all sides so nothing can get in or out, mind you) and make rational decisions with our mind instead to live in a safe, controlled, middle ground.

“Too much,” they mutter. “It’s too much.”

But we weren’t born muttering to ourselves.

Kids fully feel, embody, move through, and express emotions. They throw tantrums in grocery store aisles and throw their arms around you for a hug without a second thought.

Kids are emotional ninjas. They’re not scared of feelings.

It’s adults, who have felt both the high hope and overwhelming despair and vowed to never open themselves up to either “EVER. AGAIN.” that have become afraid of feeling. We forget that feelings are impermanent (and oh-so worth it) as our memory develops so we don’t trust ourselves to open and let go.

Adults close themselves off because they know that the level of love is inversely proportional to the potential loss of love.

No one teaches us how to feel, no education includes emotions, and nor do we talk about it, so we’re left not knowing what to do.

Instead, kids learn from us afraid adults to keep their emotions in a certain range. They slowly pickup on the fact that one end of the spectrum of emotions; happiness, joy, love, gratitude, satisfaction is socially accepted, while the other end; grief, anger, rage, displeasure is not. They’re shown approval and given love when they express one side, but not the other. And they don’t want to feel unloved, so they stop expressing certain emotions.

These kids then grow into adults who not only suppress their emotions, but lessen their emotional expression.

And ’round and ’round we go.

Until now, I *gasp* hope.

Because, we’re learning.

Research shows that apathy is considered to be a reduced emotional expression, not a reduced emotion.

#science

It’s not that we don’t feel — either negative or positive — we still feel, it’s instead that we don’t express.

We don’t want to feel (bad), so, in turn, we don’t express how we feel, believing that’ll lessen the emotion we feel.

Furthermore, we don’t want to express “bad” feelings because it might make others uncomfortable and it might make us unloved/unlovable.

This biological instinct to move away from pain has driven our society to evolve away from emotional expression.

And that’s exactly what keeps us stuck; in both the feeling as an individual and suffering on a larger scale.

Because when we become apathetic we mute emotions and we mute our expression.

We mute our experience.
We mute our humanity.
We mute hope.
We mute any potential potential.
We mute our greatest trait as humans.

Feeling. Because feeling is bigger than emotions.

It’s the first step; the catalyst to change AND it’s the desired outcome; to feel “better” on both a personal and societal level.

Our feeling is where our power lies as humans.

Because if we don’t feel anything, then we will never do anything.

To quote the official and oh-so-wise Lorax, “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.“

That’s why the greatest threat to our future, out of all the evils, is the apathy of human beings.

Because I know, and believe in, what humans are capable of when we feel, care, and express ourselves.

And on the other side, we have all seen — and are seeing — the effects of what happens when we’re apathetic.

Charles de Montesquieu, a French social commentator and political thinker, stated that “the tyranny of a prince in an oligarchy is not so dangerous to the public welfare as the apathy of a citizen in the democracy.” And I agree.

The effect of apathy on an individual level ripples out to a larger scale… which is why I’d rather someone rage, mourn, howl, cry, ache, feel and express all the negative “bad” feelings than none at all.

(Despite how uncomfortable that may make me, how I’ll want to say “Don’t cry” and “It’ll be okay”, and my utter desire to fix everything for them to make them feel better.)

Because we need citizens, princes, humans to be anything other than apathetic.

We’re living in a world where issues seem overwhelming and we feel like a grain of sand against the waves of the ocean — or rather, a snowflake amongst a melting glacier — so it’s easier to become apathetic than it is to hope for and fight for what is right.

But now is the time, more than ever, that we need more people to sit in the discomfort, to feel and care, to express themselves.

And I’m not going to paint a pretty picture telling you how it’ll be beautiful and you’re finally feel truly good. Because opening yourself up doesn’t just mean you potentially risk feeling hurt… I guarantee that you can’t feel without also feeling “bad”. You can’t select to only feel good, “good” and “bad” are inextricable. One of those good ol’ can’t have one without the other things.

But what matters to you is only revealed through “negative” emotions and suffering.

Yes, it hurts.

“GOOD,” I say.

It hurts because it matters. If it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t hurt. 

It is only the contrast; the hurt, that illuminates the potential opposite; the healing.

No matter what, you’re going to suffer. No matter how hard you try or how good things get, you’re going to experience “negative” emotions. It’s in the fine print of the contract you sign when you’re born. Life is 50/50, babe.

Now it’s a matter of choosing what you want to suffer for now and what you’re gonna do about it.

Bottle it up and hold back both the good and the bad OR feel it all, express yourself, and say/do something about what really matters?

Because if you try to reduce the feeling of suffering and the expression of feeling then you reduce the meaning and purpose in your life and any potential for bettering.

Single tear.

Moving away from hurt has always been more of a driver for humans than moving towards hope.

And it make sense when you think of how we learned what plants made us sick or why we had to run away from that saber-toothed tiger that we’ve evolved to avoid pain.

However, we’re not living in that cave anymore.

We’re living in a world that’s most damage has been brought about by the shortsighted apathy of pain.

Now, and slowly, it’s becoming recognized and talked about that not feeling/caring/trying will not only ultimately feel worse than any hurt, any failure, any suffering, but our future generations depend on it.

Putting our head in the sand and pulling an ostrich has gotten us to where we are now.

While we may not have been the cause of the current state, it IS our responsibility.

And the antidote to the apathy epidemic? Passion.

Not the classic preaching of passion meaning only positivity and following your bliss. I mean passion from Latin pati meaning “suffer” — as in find what’s worth suffering for and struggle for that.

THAT is the secret to a meaningful, purposeful life and a world that feels more right.

Despite your best attempts at apathy, you’re going to suffer in this lifetime of yours. Now it’s a matter of what you choose to suffer for, friend.

And I hate to break it to you, but not choosing is a choice too.

To feeling > apathy,

Deanne

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