Fear regret more than death

We need to talk about death more.

Death isn’t to be feared, denied, or shhh’d, it’s to be embraced.

We’re so afraid of death without realizing that the acceptance of our loss of life can be the very thing that causes us to live.

Dying without really living can be as heartbreaking to me as death itself. I fear regret more than death.

Disclaimer: I’m not trying to be a jerkface/insensitive to grief, tragedies and injustices that happen, and how heartbreaking someone passing away is. It’s real and important. I’ve felt it.

When I had an unknown diagnosis of a mass and was going into a major surgery without knowing the outcome, grappling with losing everything I wanted, I took a good look at life and what makes it all worth it to me. I accepted the certainty — because it’s the one thing that’s 100% guaranteed in this thing called life — that I will die. Yes, there’s so much more I want to be/feel/do/have, AND, I’m okay if I die tomorrow because I know I’ve fully lived. C’est la vie, as they say. C’est la merde?

The reminder of our inevitable fate of death and the impermanence of life is integral to making the most of not only our lives, but each moment.

When we talk about living fully we often synonymize it with more, bigger, better; buying your dream house, finding your purpose, making millions, falling in an-epic-storybook-love, traveling the world, etc etc. I’m a believer in being as big as you want — where big really means free and true to yourself instead of true to the world — but I think living fully is found in the smallest of moments.

The smell of grass just after its rained. The deleriousness of him moving in and out of you, the deliciousness of her wrapped around you and holding on. The wind through your hair on a hot, humid day. The ache of hunger in your belly. The taste of salted chocolate melting on your tongue. The cool breeze off a lake. The sinking into clean sheets with bare skin. The harmony of your favourite people laughing together. The electricity of eye contact just a little bit too long. The burning in your muscles from exertion. The invigorating smell of coffee in the morning. The comfort and warmth from arms wrapped around you in a hug. The throb of stubbing your toe. Their familiar voice on the phone, in your ear. The relief of warm water hitting your shoulders after a long day. The tune of your favourite song played at the perfect time on the radio in the car. The first sip of your favourite tea. The expansiveness of clouds stretching endlessly along the horizon. The longing of the cells on your skin for their touch. The heat of the sun on your body. The delightful tantalizing scent of a freshly cut bouquet of flowers.

Living is about feeling — not only the emotions, but the visceral sensations, and being present to it.

How many times do we look without seeing?

How many times do we eat without tasting?

How many times do we inhale without smelling?

How many times do we hear without listening?

How many times do we touch without feeling?

And yes, if we expand our ability to feel all sensations it means we expand our capacity to let in, not self-sabotage, handle, and feel more and more GOOD. But, more importantly, feeling with our five senses means fully living, because we won’t be able to see, taste, listen, feel, and smell when we’re dead.

I want my life to be about quality, moments, and presence over quantity, milestones, and production.

I want you to be free to be as big as you want and live in the little.

I want us all to be true to ourselves AND be loved.

Let’s strive to have the courage to live a life that’s regret-free and live a life that we actually, viscerally experience.

What makes this life worth it to you?

What do you want to feel fully?

What do you not want to regret at the end of your life?

And if you want to screw shame and get what you really want to bust the mutually exclusive myth that you have to stay small in order to be loved, that’s what I’m here for. Book a connection call if you’re curious about what working with me would be like and do for your life.

I love this Steve Jobs quote and will share it with you now, friend.

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.

Almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. …death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent.”

Be as big as you want, feel with your five senses, and live a regret-free life by accepting your inevitable death.

To living fully and feeling the little things,