Permission to lead multiple lives: granted

I feel like I have multiple personalities and lead multiple lives sometimes.

My career?

Right now I’m a business consultant, an online coach, a personal trainer to one client that I adore, and a blogger slash (aspiring) book writer.

Personally?

I’m serious, sarcastic, and soulful. I’m a tea lover, but — can you keep a secret? — cheat on tea sometimes with coffee. I’m a highly analytical, logical person with a huge heart and lots of feelings. I’m a cynical optimist, wanna-travel homebody, and realistic dreamer. I want to lead a simple life and change the world.

At my best?

I feel unstoppable, overpowered with love that radiates from me, with my soul on fire, I know I’m going to light up this Earth.

At my worst?

I feel impaired with insecurities, nothing special, less than anybody and everybody else, with nothing to say that hasn’t already been said before, wanting to be alone with my loveless self, just give up, because nothing even matters.

All of this coexists within me… always.

I’m a paradox of a person, a walking contradiction, and I often feel conflicted and at odds with myself.

It feels messy, confusing, and anything but simple.

My brain has hurt multiple times this week as I try to juggle all parts of myself, all that I am, all that I feel…

So after listening to a podcast recently I let myself go crazy in thinking if I didn’t have to define myself or come up with a niche or world-changing message or my “one thing”… well, I would do a lot of things.

I have many parts to me, many things I care about, many strengths (and weaknesses) and I don’t believe in limiting oneself, doing only what you “should” do, and fitting yourself in a box aka containing yourself from being complicated or too much.

I believe in being as big, complex, messy, and powerful in a world that tries to stop us from doing so.

So one fundamental thing I believe and keep coming back to is “both/and > either/or”.

But as a society, dictated by our silly little heads, we like things to be fixed, constant, simple, dualistic. We like things to be compartmentalized, kept in boxes, and clean. Because when we have things “figured out” — as my brain always tries to always do — it means we’ll have the security, control, and approval were seeking.

But the seeking of it is the very thing that keeps us from having it, while the allowing of the absence of it means we have it.

Huh?

By seeking control, we always feel out of control. But by accepting the fact that mostly everything is beyond our control means we then feel in control.

By seeking security, it means we feel insecure. But by allowing ourselves to be insecure it means we then have that desired feeling of security.

By seeking approval we’re not approving of ourselves so then don’t let others approve of us. But by giving ourselves complete approval it means we no longer need it from others so then we have it.

Capiche?

Paradoxes, I tell ya. They’re the secret to life.

This wanting to keep things simple applies to our identity, and is limiting us.

We want to typecast people as the jock, nerd, mother/father, finance person, workout guy, nutrition/health nut, party girl, wife/husband, career guy, so we can then have them figured out and “know”.

Our minds craaaaaaave certainty.

But but… I care a heck of a lot about a lot of things, have many talents and skills, and am constantly changing and evolving.

What if we give ourselves permission to not have it all figured out, explore, be messy, be all parts of ourselves?

‘Cause if I were to wager — and I’m not a betting lady — I bet you are great at more than one thing. I bet you feel, think, and care a lot. I bet you’re multi-passionate.

In fact, I bet that you’re meant to be.

You’ve been given all these skills and care about all the things you care about because you’re meant to bring it together and build bridges to a new way of doing things.

We need you. All of you. Less trying to figure things out so they stay simple, because you don’t have to limit yourself and pick one thing, I say!

But often we’re scared of changing our identity, outgrowing people, letting go of old patterns and stories, becoming more, showing our lowest struggles and allowing our wildest success because then it means unknown, and it means we might not be loved anymore. At least, not in the way we’re used to receiving love.

And that terrifies me too. So much so.

As I’m evolving and stepping into the next version of myself, yes, it means some people haven’t come with me. But I will say that the people who have and have met me here have blown my mind.

I have friends and relationships today that are beyond what I could’ve dreamed about as a little girl. And I’m just getting started.

Yes, I want you to take radical responsibility for yourself. …AND I want you to give yourself permission.

Note to self: You too, Deanne, you too.

Permission to explore, be wrong, fail.
Permission to be as big and complex as you want to be in a world that tries to keep you quiet and simple.
Permission to never sell your soul, live true to yourself, and make the most of everything you’ve been given.
Permission to be multi-passionate, not dull anything or hold yourself back, and be too much.

And! It’s so deeply important for me to say that it’s OKAY if you’re not ready or don’t want to change. It’s OKAY to stay where you are. It’s OKAY. I don’t think we say enough how okay it really is in a world that preaches self-improvement to no end and shames people for being “okay” with themselves. You are OKAY.

I’ll admit to you…

I’m a brilliant coach who sees blindspots and patterns like none other and can get to the root of what’s going on to unblock my client’s hearts and themselves AND I see a therapist and have worked with coaches who have helped me with those very things.

I’m a consultant that helps small business and start-ups make their businesses personal; bringing personality to create a message that connects and compels a community of clients that rebook and refer AND my own business is still not perfectly established and ever-evolving.

I believe without a shadow of a doubt in not holding back, especially in love AND I struggle with being fully open, expressive, and saying words of affirmation.

My life is messy AND I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Because at the core of me and everything I do is humanness. I’m a human person. And I’m human.

I’m damn good at getting to the heart of matters (universal truths, human psychology) whether at a personal or business level or with writing, understanding the crux of an issue to create change for the better, and creating powerful connections and meaningful conversations that really matter.

I’m here to do all with feeling.

Because I don’t think we’re meant to figure life out with our heads, but instead we’re meant to live it with our hearts and our bodies.

Our heads are great, don’t get me wrong, but they’re not good at the human stuff. In fact, our heads limit us. Thinking instead of feeling mutes expression and experiences.

We’re here for the heart stuff, not the head stuff.

It’s our hearts that know the way and our bodies that tell us and have the capacity to experience it all. Our hearts and bodies can hold an insane amount of feeling; pleasure and pain in all its forms that make you come alive. And it’s amazing how much your life will expand when you start letting yourself feel.

The ability to hold opposing paradoxes, contradictions, and complexities as true directly impacts your ability to express yourself, deeply connect with people, and create a meaningful life.

The exact combination of traits was created within me as a human to uniquely exist. All of me is needed. Just like all of you is needed.

I believe we can be all we want to be.

As fierce and tender, as successful and supported, as creative and rich, as loving and loved as we want to be.

I don’t want us to try to change these paradoxes, contradictions, complexities. I don’t want us to be at odds with our odds.

I want us to embrace them. Because that is where our power comes from, united on both a personal and collective level.

So? It’s simple, really, in that things aren’t always simple.

If you gave yourself permission to be okay with where you are, explore where you want to go, and declare what you really want so you can be all of yourself, what would it be?

Admit it in your thoughts, write it out, say it to yourself in the shower, tell a friend/coach/lover/therapist — and know there is a “Done *insert your name here*” living it already.

Now it’s just a matter of creating the blueprint to get there.

Here for it and you.

Want a connection call to work together on a personal and/or business level?  Here’s the link.
Want to share this message with someone?  Feel free to share this blog post.
Want to tell me something?  Contact me at deanne@deannevincent.com.

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