Society is a Fight Club

All of society is a myth.

An imagined, created myth.

If enough humans just stop believing in something, it can’t keep existing.

Bras, clothing brands as status symbols, shaving our legs or face, diets, bottled water, etc.

If we stop believing in these things, choosing these things, giving them value, then we won’t be supporting their existence and backing their future presence.

Anything that has meaning is only because we’ve given it that meaning.

We have power in our choice.

Just think, each year the US population spends more money on diets than the amount needed to feed all the hungry people in the rest of the world. (from the book Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari)

But it goes beyond that…

If enough people just stopped believing in religion, stereotypes, democracy, capitalism, the 9-5… they couldn’t keep existing.

Our society cooperates (somewhat) successfully because we believe in imagined rules, created order, common myths.*

*And the only way you keep people believing in them is by not letting them become aware of the fact they are a myth.

Society is a Fight Club where the first rule is “You do not talk about Fight Club.”

Actually, first and second rule.

Because society, in general, limits.
It restrains and restricts us.
It’s the cage.

We create values.
We create judgement.
We create rules.
We create purpose.
We create “good” and “bad”.
And we’re taught “right” and “wrong” where “right” is good and “wrong” is bad.

We attach this morality to certain parts of ourselves and behaviours, and from there; deservedness. So if we do something “wrong” then we’re bad and we therefore aren’t worthy of being loved and/or let into heaven.

This concept of morality was created by humans to maintain order.

But… what if everyone gets in to heaven? What if there is nothing wrong with wrong? What if we were truly loved unconditionally?

No part of us, no behaviour, no thing is inherently immoral. It depends on the meaning we attach to it.

Because when we take a step back and evaluate… human life has absolutely no purpose.

If we were to all die tomorrow it would be just another day with business as usual for the Universe. No one would miss us other than us.

Objectively, there’s no meaning to us humans as a species and our lives.

So then I can’t help but ask, during these existential points in my life; “what matters?”.

(Usually more of a “Does anything even maaaaaatterrrrr?” internal wail, but you get the point.)

Because if the above is true, then really nothing matters.

Anything that matters is only because we’ve deluded, I mean convinced, ourselves into thinking it does.

Take the idea that “love is the only thing that matters.”

The doubter and skeptic in me doesn’t agree.

Sure, it resonates on a deeper level compared to jobs, degrees, followers, clothes, looks, likes, money… but does love even matter?

You can live a loveless or most love-filled life and still die. Without a doubt, you will.

Something only matters because we want to believe it matters.

As an adult, I can recognize the kid in me that can’t help but want to make my parents proud. But the only way to do that is according to the rules of the game they play.

But honestly? Some of those rules are bullshit — they don’t feel “right”.

And these Fight Club rules are unspoken because those who benefit from the way things are like it better when we don’t feel the truth and say something about it.

The rules instill a hierarchy complete with certain power dynamics and keep some suppressed so others gain.

Without shame, there would be anarchy. It’s a far more effective tool for persuasion and control than violence and terror.

How do you keep women small and for men’s pleasure only? Slut shame them.
How do you keep hygiene a social order? Shame the smelly kid in class.
How do you keep those with a physical and/or mental disability or any health condition from taking all our resources? Shame them for having something wrong with them.
How do you keep science and facts as superior? Shame those who “irrationally” express their emotions.

We shame because we feel scared.

We recognize there’s a part in them that’s in us too, and it triggers something we don’t want to acknowledge in us; feeling different, helpless, alone, vulnerable. So we push those feelings to the side, and in turn, certain populations. We will do anything to keep ourselves comfortable.

It’s about power.

By making them “less” then we make us “more”, because we don’t want to feel powerless and lose the control we have. So let’s just stay quiet, not rock the boat, and keep things status quo, shall we?

I refuse to accept this anymore. I want to challenge this Fight Club.

And the first way I’m going to do that is by breaking the first rule.

Because every time we shame another, we shame that same part within ourselves.

“So what matters then?” you ask. (Because, even with my doubt and skepticism, a hedonistic-negative-nihilistic-short-sighted-do-whatever-you-want approach to life doesn’t feel right to me.) “And where *does* morality come from?”

FEELING.

All we do and choose to do is because we think it’ll make us feel a certain way, specifically we think it’ll make us feel “better”.

Often, the feeling we’re running from is our greatest teacher and call to change. But if we run from it, shame it, don’t feel it, then how will we learn and what will ever change?

The problem is when we’re disconnected and detached from feeling, because we don’t want to feel “bad”, so then we have no guidance system.

Think of sociopaths, for example.

And yet, we’re all becoming sociopaths when we live in our heads and don’t get in touch with any feeling and as a result we don’t see the whole picture.

But if we see the truth and all the common myths crumble in our cages, I mean society, where does that leave us?

Well, we get to create a new world; for ourselves and as a society.

For some it’s work, for others it’s the environment, for some it’s working out, for others it’s loving one person for their lifetime, for some it’s being free to love as many as we choose, for others it’s play and hobbies, for some it’s achieving a certain career level, for others it’s human right, for some it’s animal rights, for others it’s relationships, for some it’s money, etc, etc.

ALL GOOD.*
*and I can come up with qualifying words and a whole ’nother 10000 words on this, but I’ll refrain… for now.

Who am I to judge anyone for living a life that matters to them?

They’re creating their life with their own rules just as I’m creating mine.

The problem is when we let other people’s rules dictate how we live our life.

Society is built with narratives of fear that suppress our truth.

So the only way to change the existing, created myths is to first see the lies and then believe in an alternate truth.

As the cage crumbles in our human mind it becomes really simple*: we’re free to choose.

*Simple, I said. Not easy.

And isn’t that true freedom after all — the freedom of choice?

When we shame, ostracize, and outcast certain traits and populations then it prevents others, and ourselves, from having true liberation and empowerment.

But once you see the game, you can change the game you play and then you can change the game we all play.

Now it comes down to having the courage to choose.

So I want to ask you.

No matter how much you fight it…

What do you keep coming back to?
What can you only deny for so long?
What finds its way back into your thoughts with any spare second?
What if you just accept it as your fate and that it’s inevitable?
What if that’s the feeling that’ll give your life meaning, no matter how hard the cage, because it’s worth it?

For me, it’s writing and doing my own thing/“business”.

I want to have the courage to express my feelings and live a life that’s true to me.

What about you?

And let it be known that Steven Pressfield’s rule of thumb is that “the more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”

And I concur.

But still. The choice is yours.

I’m so excited to offer free calls to 6 people to talk about whatever you want; love, business, life, codependency, life on other planets, body, health, sex, shame, desire, wanting, writing, parents, children, vision, blocks, creation, dreams.

No pitch, no sale, just ‘cause I can.

My life goal is to write to make people feel and talk about the stuff that really matters.

So let’s do it.

If you’ve worked with me before or if you’ve never talked to me, it’s open to anyone who wants it.

Book your “Felt Like It” Call with this link or feel free to share this with someone you think it’ll serve.

To the crumble and the choosing,

Deanne

Deanne Vincent