The paralyzing trap: being too much AND unworthy of love
Too passionate, too sensitive, too loving, too idealistic, too feeling, think too much, too sexy, too strong, too feminine, too masculine, too dreamy, too skinny, too fat, too hopeful, too logical, too hurt, too everything.
TOO MUCH.
Ya feel me?
If you’re like me I’ve always felt two things:
- Unworthy of love (because of my body).
- Too much.
I buried all the feels because I was afraid of what people would think of all my “too much”.
I prided myself on being logical and suppressed my heart because it felt safer.
I devoted all my energy on making others happy and never voiced what *I* really wanted.
I held on so tight because I was scared of what might happen if I let go.
I downplayed and dismissed my innate power and talents because I didn’t want to outgrow loved ones.
I blocked myself from what I wanted because actually getting it made me hella uncomfortable because I was so used to struggling.
I never believed I could be freely myself AND fully loved.
We’re afraid of making others uncomfortable with our “too much”.
We’re afraid it might make us unlovable.
So we bottle it up and feel uncomfortable and unloved ourselves.
It all sits in our body, feeling constricting, heavy and draining; like trying to keep a beach ball underwater.
And our bodies try so hard to talk to us – telling us to let it out.
But we want to be the light and lift everyone up so instead, we ignore our bodies and take on everyone else’s energies.
Isn’t it exhausting though? Holding on so tight, trying so hard to control everything, and overthinking our lives away.
To apologize constantly.
To play it safe, keeping ourselves small.
To silence our truth and with it our power.
To deflect and deny our desires.
Where perfecting, performing, pleasing, proving has become our lives.
Keeping it all in; emotions, needs, wants, dreams, feelings, thoughts, in bed burns us up inside.
This “too much” in us needs out.
Because it’s what we hold back that haunts us.
Although we feel like too much, the truth is, underneath it all, we never feel like enough.
The fear of being too much and not enough is really the same… the fear of being you.
I think we subconsciously keep it all in to manage our expectations, to protect ourselves from disappointment/failure/hurt, to avoid rejection.
But you *can* handle it. You are stronger and safer than you think. As Glennon Doyle says, “You can do hard things.”
Because we feel empty, restless, and have “too much” in us for a reason.
We want to freely love and really live.
Without the holding back, the walls, the protection we put up.
Liberated.
The secret is to feel so safe and secure within yourself that you can live and love un-held back.
This level of love and life starts with us. It never comes from that person, that job, the money, or anything outside of us.
And it IS possible, because I’ve been trying a new way of living and loving.
Yes, it’s possible to…
- actually breathe instead of just be busy because there is trust, intuition, flow to your days.
- have a conversation with people without feeling like we need to prove ourselves.
- have your body be your wisest mentor, your best guide, and your tapped in and turned on power source.
- let go of the constriction and be led exactly where you were born to go.
- have deep intimacy, physical vulnerability, and sexual fulfillment empower every bit of you and take you + your partner higher.
And I want this for you too.
I want you to let go.
Could you do me a favour? Well, really yourself a favour?
Can you let yourself open just a little bit?
To the flow, to your truth, to your deep okayness, to forgiveness, to faith, to the possibility, to your potential, to love, to letting whatever you desire in and letting the tightness out?
Because as you let your “too much” out and become worthy of love AND the fullest expression of yourself, there are 3 things that happen…
- You become more fulfilled and life has more meaning.
- You free your partner to be who they are.
- You elevate humanity with your truth so that we can all go higher.
And there’s nothing like it.
It’s love, it’s life; liberated. And you’ll know when you feel the difference.
Which means you get to then decide… what kind of art, love, business, change, relationship, movement, sex do you want to create with the “too much” inside of you?
Because your “too much” can only stay buried for so long. And I don’t want you to let it be buried with you.
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