This idea is killing me and I want it to stop

When I was in university and out at a bar there wasn’t a single night that passed where I didn’t look around, when I *should* feel most young and alive, and think for a moment, “What’s the point of all this?” 

I hid my scars, I graduated high school with a 97% average, I won multiple scholarships, I became the cool girl, I graduated with honours and countless awards… and it was never enough. It all felt empty. 

And when I look around now?

The six-figure business, the dinners out small talking, the New York Times bestseller, the 401k, the climbing of the corporate ladder, the nice stuff in a nice house in a nice neighbourhood, the bikini body… what are we doing it for?

None of it matters.

I hate this surface level, numb society we’re living in… It all seems fake, a facade we’ve been fed, and it’s crumbling.

I see stuck, separate, small, suppressed, settling people every day. Terrified of believing that something more is out there, holding on so tight with our egos to fight for what we believe to be true, but constantly yearning for that something more. 

We continually betray ourselves. I’ve been there and I’ve done it. And I’m fighting to not now… 

My stifled soul aches, longs, yearns for the real.

Raw. Potent. Magnetic. Deep. Naked. Truth. Open. Love. Compassion. F*in connection. 

But the way we’re doing it right now is all messed up… I hate the shows we put on, the properness that precedes us, the niceness we’ve been taught, the bullshit we’ve learned, and the way we “should” live life. 

Yes, it’s more real that I crave, but it’s more than that. I want the fire in everyone to come alive.

Because the apathy and unconscious acceptance in this world is depressing. 

None of us care anymore. 

And a part of me asks, “Why? Why should we even care?”

Weddings aren’t celebrations of love, they’re pinterest boards and shows of status symbols. 
Poetry and art aren’t about movement or feeling, they’re about insta-fame now. 
The businesses we create aren’t to help and heal, they’re created out of a desire to earn our enough-ness and are all about making money.

Yes, I’m a relentless optimist and always return to hope after an edge of wanting to give up, but the world we’re living in is going to burn up the way we’re going. 

And honestly? I think the greed, the ego, the separate, the stuck, and the suffering should burn. The version of the world right now should become extinct. 

The idea that billions of people are walking around living a “comfortable” protected lie of a life is killing me and I want it to stop.

You can keep denying it’s happening, but when you look around too you can see the world is awakening to new levels. 
You can cling to your safety blanket of old life, being scared of the unknown, fighting for meaning where it all feels so fragile. 
Or! You can surrender and dive in to real with me. 

I promise you from the bottom of my scarred stomach that you’re not alone, you’re deeply okay, and wildly supported. 

The world that needs to survive so we truly live isn’t one of show or class or fighting or proving, it’s real. 

Free and full expression. Beauty in both the breaking and the open. An expansiveness that makes space for our entire evolution. 

I believe in that world.
I believe in hard, honest, uncomfortable conversations with ourselves and others. 
I believe in humans and humanity. 

Because the infinite truth of the soul can only be stopped for so long.

Now is time for the real to emerge, rising from the hot ashes. 

What aches in you that wants to be brought to life?
This fire of yours cannot stay buried forever. You were born with a soul contract.


You might say “you don’t know”, you little trickster, but the truth is that you know. …and you know you know. 

Today’s world doesn’t want you… it needs you. The uninhibited you, your deep soul, and what real you can create. 

Let’s burn this superficial world to the ground with our fire and rebuild one of realness from the ashes. 

You have a fire in you for a reason. No longer are you going to betray your soul. Ignite for what really matters.

And if there’s anything on your heart, don’t wait, express it now.

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deanne@deannevincent.com

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